【2021 Archives】

This morning at an ungodly early hour021 Archives I awoke to the sound of my twins scream-singing a not very melodic duet of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star." As I lay in bed trying desperately to fall back asleep (hahahahaha, as if), I started scrolling through my phone and saw this headline, "Exclusive: Trump says he thought being president would be easier than his old life."

Damn. I feel you, my dude.

The newest leader of the free world complained to Reuters about his first 100 days in office saying, "This is more work than in my previous life. I thought it would be easier." Riiiiight? I mean I gave birth to twins almost exactly two years ago and hooboy, this job is intense. Why didn't anyone tell me how much work it was to keep an entire family alive for 24 hours every 👏 day 👏 of 👏 the 👏 year 👏 ?

Like our president, who now laments how little privacy he's afforded and how he's trailed constantly by the Secret Service, I have found that my life is pretty much over. I haven’t gone to the bathroom without the watchful eyes of my toddlers on me in I don’t even remember how long. I don't have any time to obsessively Google my own name, and I have to make plans ahead of time every time I want to leave the kids alone. It's exhausting!

Mashable Trend Report Decode what’s viral, what’s next, and what it all means. Sign up for Mashable’s weekly Trend Report newsletter. By clicking Sign Me Up, you confirm you are 16+ and agree to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy. Thanks for signing up!

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

If only Donald J. Trump and I had known that becoming the Commander-in-Chief (of a country or a household) would mean saying goodbye to our personal lives. Instead of sleeping peacefully well past sunrise, I now have to answer to the screaming calls of my offspring at 3 a.m. Just as he used to be able to tweet incoherently in the middle of the night instead of having to deal with all the pesky work of ensuring our nuclear annihilation. Thumbs down, way down.

Trump complains of being in his "own little cocoon," and I sympathize. I really do. Granted his bubble is filled with golf courses, lavish meals with powerful leaders, chocolate cake, and endless Cokes on demand. Mine has been more of a cocoon overflowing with dirty diapers, spit-up soaked clothes, and crumbs of mysterious origin. But it's basically the same.

SEE ALSO: Even Donald Trump's birthday tweet to Melania has a factual error in it

If I had any idea how many sacrifices would be required, I might have thought longer and harder about going through the two years of agonizing fertility treatment I needed to conceive my kids. And maybe he'd have re-thought that whole campaign thing. But, like, how on Earth were we supposed to know!?

I mean, fine, maybe if I had read a single book about motherhood or a few of the thousands of articles online about what was involved in raising kids or even talked to one other person who'd done this before, I might have figured out that it was the most intense gig on the planet.

But how could I be expected to pay attention to things like that when I was so busy paying attention to myself?

---

Featured Video For You

---

Ivanka Trump gets booed at an international women’s summit speaking about father's 'advocacy' for women

---

• Shopping
• Social Good
• Digital Culture
• Science
• Deals
• Games
• Tech
• Entertainment

• A Great, Soulless Get
• Babies in Art Mostly Look Nothing Like Babies in Life
• Want to Know True Beauty? Take a Look at a Moth
• Bob Adelman, Civil Rights Photographer, Dead at Eighty
• Shrinking the President
• Bears, Abortion, Mechanical Pencils—All at the County Fair
• Bob Adelman, Civil Rights Photographer, Dead at Eighty
• Waterworks: The Original Robots
• A Low, Dishonest Decade
• My Neighbor Is Practicing “Sweet Child O’ Mine.” Help.

• Madame Tussauds reinstates Beyoncé wax figure after lighting adjustments
• Facebook is down for many users on the web
• White House communications director reveals Trump as anonymous source
• We now know the Queen's favorite song, and everyone has a terrible guess about it
• How to help protect Ruth Bader Ginsburg's Supreme Court seat until the election
• Stubbs the cat, longtime mayor of an Alaska town, dies at 20
• I redownloaded Snapchat for the dancing hot dog, and I am not ashamed
• Trump's flawless sketch of the NYC skyline is now set for auction
• Trump has already started writing his speech to pardon the Thanksgiving turkey
• Everything coming to Disney+ in October 2020

• The Tagorean Impulse
• Lisa Hanawalt: Hot Dog Taste Test
• How to Live Like a Musician: Eat Only White Foods
• Waterworks: The Original Robots
• Amnesiac Nation
• How to Live Like a Musician: Eat Only White Foods
• “Own It!”: The Most Grating Phrase of the Moment
• My Neighbor Is Practicing “Sweet Child O’ Mine.” Help.
• Brand on the Run
• Comfort Reading: On Lee Bailey’s Cookbooks

• Tory Porn
• Listen to Djuna Barnes Read from “The Antiphon,” 1971
• Ben Vida’s “Speech Acts”
• The History of Underwear Is a Dirty History
• Kitchen-Sink Drama
• On Eleanor Perenyi’s “Green Thoughts”
• In Defense of “Moist”
• Staff Picks: Blackass, Hannah Arendt, Prince’s Floppy Disks
• Downward-Facing Capitalist Dogma
• “Own It!”: The Most Grating Phrase of the Moment