【the art of narrative eroticism】

A dad in Utah has created a Change.org petition asking his kids' school district to change the mascot for the soon-to-open Farmington High School in Utah's Davis School District.

Why?the art of narrative eroticism Because he thinks the current mascot, "The Phoenix," sounds too much like "penis."

SEE ALSO: 'Bully' Movie to Be Released Without Rating Following Online Petition

As reported by the Salt Lake Tribune, the mascot for Farmington High School will be "The Phoenix," referred to in singular, as the glorious firebird that it is. But the grammar of the mascot's name worried local dad Kyle Fraughton once he discovered that the plural of Phoenix is "Phoenices."

The word's similarity to "penises" apparently got him and his fellow cool dads a-gigglin', and soon thereafter, he launched a petition asking the school to change the name.

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

The problem, according to Fraughton, is not the name similarity — it's that those classic Utah bullies from other schools might use the name to make fun of the Farmington Kids. You know, with killer insults like, "penises suck!" (Zing! Burn!)

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Here's how the realization of horror set in, according to Fraughton's petition:

After first hearing about the mascot of Phoenix, I was practicing some cheers for the upcoming school year with a couple of my neighbors just for fun. We cheered, "Go Phoenixes!" However, it didn't sound right to us, so we looked online to makes sure that we were saying the pluralized word of Phoenix correctly. We quickly discovered that although Phoenixes is an acceptable way to say it, another pluralization is Phoenices. So we changed our cheer to, "Go Phoenices!" Which is when the concern began to set in.

Apparently a lot of fellow Farmington parents are similarly squeamish: Fraughton's petition has received nearly 3,000 signatures.

A representative from the Davis School District told The Salt Lake Tribunethat they have no plans to change the name. In fact, the name was "chosen by area children," according to USA Today.

Neither Kyle Fraughton nor the school district responded to Mashable'srequest for comment before the time of publication.

Really, does Phoenices sound like penises? TBH, not convinced. Although Fraughton has a point that kids will use literally anything to bully each other.

Penises aside, Dumbledore seriously needs to dispatch Fawkes to to Farmington stat. He's just the overwhelmingly beautiful immortal bird to convince these Concerned Parents that Phoenixes, or Phoenices, or, sure, The Phoenix, are f*cking awesome, even if, okay, the plural form of their name does sorta maybe kinda sound like a dick if you wanted to hear it that way.

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