【Secret Confessions (2025) No Label Episode 45】

It's not just the bears. Friends,Secret Confessions (2025) No Label Episode 45 let us repeat: it's not just the bears.

The (wonderful) world of Haribo is rife with unimaginably delicious, squishy, delightful candies ... and a few duds. Such is the world of the sweet treat.

So we grabbed a bunch of Haribo candies available in the U.S. -- FYI, some of the labels are in German because that was the deal at Economy Candy -- tasted each, then judged away.

SEE ALSO: Dogs, ranked

You may disagree with these rankings. That's okay! It's subjective. But if you catch yourself feeling angry, please promise us you'll get yourself a packet of Haribo to make yourself feel better.

And now:

The embarrassing

Berries: Berries are aesthetically pleasing, but they do not taste good. In fact, they taste bad -- far too sugary with no flavor payoff -- and leave a sweater-y film on your teeth. Just put them in a clear jar and leave them there.

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Gummi Frogs: Taste like plastic. Impossible to chew. And the frog speaking German on our bag reminded us of Pepe, which is frankly a real bummer.

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Mini Rainbow Frogs: Unfortunately, the white marshmallow-y section has ruined what was otherwise a perfectly good gummy. Also, Rainbow Frogs are so small that popping one in your mouth isn't super satisfying.

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Tropifruitti: Oh my god, these suck so much! They taste like a hospital smells. Bad! Give these to your enemies.

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The fine

Dinosaurs: Cool shapes, but the flavors are not particularly distinguishable. Said one staffer, "I would never want to eat more than three of these."

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Smurfs: Smurfs are strawberry and raspberry flavored, which are generally great flavors anyway, so it works out fine. They do get stuck in your teeth easily and are maybe too chewy. Smurfs are fine.

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Fizzy Cola: Sadly, Fizzy Cola is inferior to Happy Cola because of whatever lemon-lime business it is attempting. Verdict: fine.

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Alphabet Letters: Fun to spell with, but it's hard to remember anything else about them. Fine.

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The good

Rattle-Snakes: Here, some flavors are clearly better than others. Take it from us: the white and red gummies are bright and fruity without being overly saccharine -- a delightful experience. The other ones are a little more ... whatever.

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Happy Cherries: A classic fave in a lovely shape. Highly Instagrammable. However, it must be said: Happy Cherries are polarizing. Said one staffer, "They taste like bad breath to me." Surprising!

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Fruit Salad: The way these candies rattle around in the bag is unnerving. The grapefruit ones are the best.

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The *chef's kiss*

Sour S'ghetti: This tart, delicate masterpiece is the perfect candy to eat when you're watching TV alone in bed. Just shovel it into your mouth by the palmful.

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Happy Cola: A cola flavored gummy sounds weird, but the flavor here is surprisingly subtle and nice. Good for people who like Coke Icees.

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Gold-Bears: These little friends are classic, and the red ones are objectively the best. FYI, Gold-Bears taste even better when they're a little old and a little chewy -- or after they've been in the fridge for a while. (You should also try this with Australian-style licorice, by the way.)

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Sour Gold-Bears: The green apple Sour Gold-Bear alone is enough to catapult these guys over their classic counterparts. If you'd like to exfoliate the inside of your mouth, eat a whole bag.

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Ginger-Lemon: Very refreshing and not super sweet -- like if cough drops tasted good. Gift these to your favorite adult.

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Twin Snakes: Two snakes diverge in a distant wood. Just kidding! They stay together forever and become delicious Twin Snakes: one sour, one sweet. The sour doesn't involve a coating of sugar, either -- those sneks are tangy and fruity all on their own.

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The #1 best

Peaches: Peaches are as close as a gummy can get to an actual slice of peach (which is not very close, but still). Friends, they are so good -- sugary on the outside and delightfully gooey on the inside. You will exclaim when you eat them.

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In conclusion, 🍑 .

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